Posts made in January, 2011
“The people you have to lie to, own you. The things you have to lie about, own you. When your children see you owned, then they are not your children anymore, they are the children of what owns you. If money owns you, they are the children of money. If your need for pretense and illusion owns you, they are the children of pretense and illusion. If your fear of loneliness owns you, they are the children of loneliness. If your fear of the truth owns you, they are the children of the fear of truth.” —Michael Ventura
“If change is to come, it will come from the margins. It was the desert, not the temple, that gave the prophets.” -Wendell Berry
“Trust your hunches. They’re usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level.” – Dr. Joyce Brothers
Last year at this time I posted every day for a week in my One Year Here blog. It was one of the toughest weeks of my life. But I got through it.
I got through it.
And now, One Year Later, I’m really starting to feel like I’m no longer in danger of going under, my head is above water. Joy is creeping back in, every day gets a little easier and a little easier.
Thank you for being there through this with me … even if it was just for today.
First He Looked Confused
I could not lie anymore, so I started to call my dog “God.”
First he looked
then he started smiling, then he even
I kept at it: now he doesn’t even
I am wondering if this
might work on
—Tukaram (c. 1608-1649)Read More
No, that isn’t the title of a movie (besides, that’s “Three Weddings and a Funeral”), that’s is what has been happening at St. Timothy Episcopal Church this month.
The two that were married were blessed. The three that were buried will be missed.
When life is good in community, it is very, very good. Seeing the happy couple makes us all take heart and rejoice.
When we lose someone in our community, it is from within that community that we can take our broken hearts and pour them out together, and heal. Even in loss we can celebrate.
As the song says — and I know the harmony by heart now, having sung it loud and long three times in a week — as the song promises, He will raise us up.
I am the bread of life;
they who come to me shall not hunger;
they who believe in me shall not thirst.
No one can come to me unless the Father draw them.
And I will ra-aise them up, and I will raaaa-aise them up!
And I will ra-aise them uuu-upon the la-ast day!
Do me a favor and try this tomorrow, while you are in church in prayer: hold both hands cupped behind your ears, let your fingertips rest lightly on the outside of your ears, then listen.
Then come back and tell me — not what you heard, but how you heard and how you felt hearing it.Read More
This morning, as I sorted through the myriad things my son had piled upon the table that serves as my altar, I found myself pouting over the fact that the small quilt that I use to cover my altar doesn’t make for a very steady surface on which to set my narrow-bottomed, 16-ounce-holding coffee cup.
And then it hit me — coffee cup??? I’m worried about a place to set my coffee cup? I need to bring my coffee cup to prayer?? I know I’m a Starbucks-drinking* kinda girl, but seriously, aren’t I a liturgy-loving, experience-submersing, spirituality-seeking kinda gal even more? I need coffee in my hand at every moment?
Shame on me! Aren’t I the one that (quietly and to myself) makes fun of the “Sunday is Supposed to be Entertainment” kinda Christians that meet in a movie theater and have an espresso machine out front so they can have a little Christ with their coffee … and all the while I’m also secretly envying the fact that they not only get to take their coffee into worship service, but get GOOD coffee too!**
And then my mind wanders down the aisle of a movie theater and I see cup holders.
“Cup holders! Maybe my altar needs a cup holder!” I thought, momentarily delighted with my own cleverness.
And then I gave myself a little mental shake. Heaven help me.
But then, a few moments later, as I opened A Year with Rumi: Daily Readings by Coleman Barker, I read:
I reach for a piece of wood. It turns into a lute.
I do some meanness. It turns out helpful.
I say one must not travel during the holy month.
Then I start out, and wonderful things happen.
And I am reminded of the passage of scripture that talks about the eating of the meat sacrificed to idols in 1 Corinthians 10. I am not a biblical scholar, nor am I an expert on situational ethics, but I do know that (for at least this moment right now***) I don’t feel good about bringing my coffee into worship service. But I also think that I should feel just fine about other people doing it.****
Learning to let go of the “rules” and instead just holding on to Jesus sometimes feels a bit like letting go of a rope and free-falling into the unknown.
*I’m actually a Santa Lucia gal!
**I’m sorry, people of St. Timothy, but our coffee is HORRIBLE!!! And I don’t care how thick the Father thinks we need to have it that bargain basement coffee <shudder> I’m about to stage a Coffee Coo while I’m still on vestry.
***Which leaves the door open for discussion or for me to change my mind in the future.
****In their own church. I don’t think I’m ready to let go entirely, you can have your coffee in YOUR church sanctuary, not mine. Yes, I understand that I’m not necessarily making much sense.Read More
Today I went to my iconography teacher’s house to choose my next subject.
It wasn’t hard at all, I had already told her that I thought I wanted to paint an angel, so she had gone through her drawings and pictures to find examples of several. I had already chosen Raphael, or so I thought, and when I saw this version of the Archangel Raphael, I became certain.
Raphael is mentioned in the book of Tobit. Raphael travels with Tobias and there is a dog in the story. Need I say more?
Besides, Raphael is so very beautiful.Read More