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Monthly Archives: December 2009

Finding Courage for a New Year

If you are reading this post today (Thursday, December 31, 2009) or even tomorrow (Friday, the first day of the New Year), then you are seeing a pair of eyes staring down at you from the header. If you are reading this post after today or tomorrow, scroll down to the end of the post to see the image, my image, staring at you. I won’t make you (or me) look at me for more than a couple of days.

You may find it a bit disturbing, I know I do. It’s normal to feel uneasy when you are forced to really look at yourself. Normal, but necessary. And, from time to time, it’s absolutely essential. Today, this month, this year, it is absolutely essential that I take a good, long, hard look at myself.

“The courage to be is the courage to accept oneself, in spite of being unacceptable.” –Paul Tillich

Courage is not something that we find once and thereafter are able to call upon it whenever we need it. Courage needs to be sought after and cultivated. You need to find the courage to face yourself, to face every day with integrity and kindness. You must search within yourself to find the love and mind of Christ and then you must use it. Courage doesn’t do anyone any good if you just sit in your own home and commune with your own courage. You must go out and use it, be it.

Where are you going with your Courage today?

8 Comments

Posted by Kimberly Mason on December 31, 2009 in Uncategorized

Tags: courage

Frozen in Fear, Moved by Love

30 Dec

“I have debated with myself for two days now…” began an email to a friend that I started this morning. Truth is, I’ve debated with myself the entire month of December.

You see, when I am frightened I stand still. It is as though there is a tiger crouched in the weeds in front of me and I have just spotted it peering at me through the grass. I stand very still. Staring. My heart racing. My eyes wide open, tears brimming, breath caught in my throat, hands clenched at my sides, feet willing the earth to open up and swallow the moment. I stand in fear; frozen, watchful, in the (mistaken) knowledge that there is only one right thing that I can do to save myself, but not knowing what that can be.

My mind whirrs and spins — seeking answers, reasons — unable to light upon any one thought for more than a moment. Grasping, failing to hang on, whirling away into confusion.

This entire month of December I have allowed myself to be carried away by fear, unable to move, unable to either surrender to the current or to fight its fierce flow. Frozen.

And this entire month I have had rope after rope thrown out to me. By family, by friends, by people I have never met and who love me and love all with an unexplainable but visible love born of courage and will and grace given once upon a time to them in times of their own fear and trembling. Those of you who have thrown ropes know who you are, you will read this and know. God bless you. You are my saviors.

The one that broken me open, that broke the hold of fear, that final straw that drove me to move from Fear and move into Love Offered is, and I have to laugh through my tears, a Walker. And isn’t it funny, in a synchronicitous (yes, I just made up that word) kind of way, that during this month of frozen fear I have become a Walker.

I have more to write, more to tell, just not today. Today I must go and be what I am — a Walker. I realize now that Life doesn’t stop when you stand still, but it does begin when you move into it. Funny, that. And there is a new beginning with each day. Can’t you feel it?

What are you moving toward today? Keep moving, get closer, really see where you are going and what you are looking at. Consider the Moment and then keep moving.

Peace to you.

“What a blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one’s deepest as well as one’s most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort — the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person — having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.”

2 Comments

Posted by Kimberly Mason on December 30, 2009 in Uncategorized

And I would walk 500 more…

24 Dec

TODAY’S EXERCISE: 4.8 miles (.66 mile jogging/running)

2 Comments

Posted by Kimberly Mason on December 24, 2009 in Uncategorized

Becoming Whole

21 Dec

[ BECOMING WHOLE ]

The woman
whose speech and actions are the same—
her feet become worthy of
worship.

Keeping our word is the alchemy to become free
and whole.

Try and make amends for any broken hearts
or broken promises;

if you cannot do so in form
then prayer can heal a debt with the light you
can send,

and even a man can become
this precious
gold.

~Tukaram (c. 1608—1649)

2 Comments

Posted by Kimberly Mason on December 21, 2009 in Uncategorized

Tags: Tukaram

Still, be still and know

10 Dec

[HYMNS OF THE EARTH]

I wanted to be a hermit and only hear the hymns
of the earth, and the laughter of the sky,

and the sweet gossip of the creatures on my limbs,
the forests.

I wanted to be a hermit and not see another face
look upon mine and tell me I was not
all the beauty in this
world.

For so many faces do that—
cage us.

The wings we have are so fragile
they can break from just
one word, or

a glance void
of love.

I wanted to live in that cloister of
light’s silence

because, is it not true, the heart
is so fragile and shy.

~St. Catherine of Siena (1347-1380)

TODAY’S EXERCISE: 3.2 miles (1 mi. jogging)

When tragedy strikes, we are never prepared

09 Dec

My son Shane stayed after school yesterday to catch up on some school work, he is a senior this year. He sent me a text to make sure I would be able to pick him up later. Of course, I text back.

Thirty minutes later another text: he has heard that two of his friends have been in an accident and it is very serious. “idk what to do. I’m scared.”

As I arrive at the school I see that I am not the only one, grim faced and frightened, making my way to my own beloved child. Moments after I enter the school library where the children have gathered, the announcement is made. Ryan didn’t make it.

The community wails, sobs, and collapses into and onto each other in disbelief, in terror, in anguish. Small-town life in Mossyrock has tilted into tragedy and we are all in danger of falling. We cling to each other. We slide. We falter. And we try, again, to hold on.

There are no words. We have no words. Shane tells me that school is very quiet today. “It’s completely silent,” he says, “Except Mr. Nelson laughing cuz Ryan has In-School Suspension today. ha.”

Shane and I had talked about grief and laughter last night and again this morning. He is prepared for the laughter and is able to welcome it.

Ryan was a toddler when we moved to Mossyrock. His older brother and sister played on my soccer team. His brother was a good friend of my eldest son and I have spent a lot of time on sidelines, on bleachers and in stands with Ryan’s parents. A LOT of time. Ryan always made me laugh. He was the type of kid that warmed my heart just looking at him.

The laughter of fond remembrance has healing power.

Shane made it through an hour and a half of school this morning before he sent me a text to say that he had checked himself out and is “just going around the school to see what I can do.” That’s my boy. He’s a healer. He has a talent for loving people right where they are and a calming, practical, forgiving spirit.

Before he left this morning I gave him a Protein Power Bar, a pack of gum and a pair of prayers that I wrote for him to carry in his pocket. (You think that, being that I am the tissue cozy “Share the Love!” lady that I would have given him tissues, but…) These prayers are from the Book of Common Prayer:

O God of grace and glory, we remember before you this day our brother Ryan. We thank you for giving him to us, his family and friends, to know and to love as a companion on our earthy pilgrimage. In your boundless compassion, console us who mourn. Give us faith to see in death the gate of eternal life, so that in quiet confidence we may continue our course on earth, until, by your call, we are reunited with those who have gone before; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

And then, if you will pray with me:

Most merciful God, whose wisdom is beyond our understanding, deal graciously with the Rashoffs in their grief. Surround them in your love, that they may not be overwhelmed by their loss, but have confidence in your goodness, and strength to meet the days to come; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

TODAY’S EXERCISE: 2.1 miles (0.5 mile jogging)
YESTERDAY’S EXERCISE: 2.8 miles (0.84 mile jogging)

9 Comments

Posted by Kimberly Mason on December 9, 2009 in Uncategorized

Tags: Ryan Rashoff

I’m a Sunrise Runner!

07 Dec

How did I not know this? How have I not discovered until today that I am a Sunrise Runner?

Even at 21 degrees, wearing two pairs of workout pants, a turtleneck, a hoodie, a fleece jacket, a scarf and a pair of gloves–I love it!

Oh, and the Christmas Oratorio by Saint-Saëns? Perfect traveling music! By the time I hit my fourth round of jogging and my high spirits had long since faded, in came No. 6 “Wherefore do the heathen claaaaa-mor?” Oh yeah!

And today, after my seventh round of jogging (I did six rounds on Saturday), as I was walking back to make my last attempt at the hill, a bald eagle (who I had heard call earlier and thought was a mere falcon) suddenly flew out of the trees and swooped and called as it flew in front of a ghostly moon. It felt like victory.

It WAS victory.

TODAY’S EXERCISE: 3.8 miles (1.18 miles jogging)

3 Comments

Posted by Kimberly Mason on December 7, 2009 in Uncategorized

Running with Saint-Saens

05 Dec

TODAY’S EXERCISE: 3.7 miles (1 mi. jogging). I’m a Runner.

1 Comment

Posted by Kimberly Mason on December 5, 2009 in Uncategorized

Working on it…

04 Dec

It’s funny, when my blog post just really isn’t what I should be posting, WordPress (somehow) just doesn’t let me post it. It’s almost as though I have a WordPress Guardian Angel.

And when my WGAngel says, “I don’t believe I’d say that, Kim,” then I just don’t get to say that!

I tried a half dozen times to post the first picture that I had chosen (which is actually the second picture I have posted here). It wouldn’t load.

Then I tried another half dozen times to load a second image, a happier image, thinking that the sadness of the first image was the problem.

Nope, it was my words. So you don’t get to read my sad words today. I know you aren’t disappointed by that, you just aren’t the kind of person that reads other people’s blogs so you can hear them whine. Right?

But here are the images of my morning. This is how my day began.

I’m working on breathing today. What are you working on today?